Keeping busy

it'a been a long time since i updated

I look the best I have in a long time, but why is my confidence at an all time low?

ick

I want to be more fun!!!!

I want to have more fun

UGGGGGGGG I'm so bord

I wake up do some things around the house go to work come home make dinner chill out then go to bed. We do the same thing every day!
ooo weekends we go to luna sometimes we go somewhere else but not really

I think I'm going to start shaking things up a bit.
join a gym
I signed up for school again so that might shake things up

it's been a while since i have updated sooo

i'm still with joe, we are both really stressed and taking it out on eachother kinda blows
started a new job I really like it, data entry and receptionist fun times

i really want to go back to school next semester I'm so close to being done!


thats it sad uh

went to fill out an app today got an instant interview and hired on spot!!!!!!!!

it's just a bike ride away so I am not going to be spending any money on gas! 

I'm so excited I will be able to go back to school and maybe move out of moms


yipppy

oh and it 7am-3:30pm monday through fri!

you throw me for a loop

I hate that I expect so much from myself, and more so others. I'm disappointed in myself, in my lack of self control and in my lack of motivation. I'm angry at myself for not telling people how I feel, for holding everything in.    

errrrr

here are the shorts
-boy is good
-no work is killing me
-girl is strange
-I play with a dog all day and throughly enjoy it
-need more girl time
-need some serious maintenance on my hair

Compassion is not just feeling with someone, but seeking to change the situation. Frequently people think compassion and love are merely sentimental. No! They are very demanding. If you are going to be compassionate, be prepared for action!

STOP BINGING!!!!!!

eating
drinking
ect.

I cant do just a little of something when i eat I eat till I'm stuffed and when I drink I'm not satisfied untill I cant stand or think

it's stupid

Things are going well, I am trying to change a few personality defects I have found myself to have. I quit smoking and have cut back on going out so much, that I'm starting to regret. I miss my friends but kinda dont want to miss a moment hanging out with the boy, gross right?! I could not be happier with him seriously.

I'm done being lame

someone call me I feel like going out

for serious even though things are going south with money, job, and a little drama I could not be happier! I love when one thing goes sooooooo right it almost makes you forget the bad things.

thanks joe!

by reality! ouch. I hate that I'm not ok by myself. I hate being home alone, I hate sleeping by myself I hate being so needy, my anxiety is outta control. I think I might have to be mediated...... I hate that idea but I cant sleep because I cant calm down. my mind just keeps racing with icky thoughts.

enough complaining for now

I am a little concerned with my ablility to move on from a 4 year relationship, I should be sooooooo hurt, I poured my heart and soul into that relationship like every relationship I have. and like every relationship I have had I got crushed. maybe I have gotten used to having my heart broken so I am able to cope with it. it still worries me, I dont want to be some cold bitter bitch, witch buy the way I'm not bitter or angry at Troy, he's just not a realtionship kinda person and I knew it I thought maybe I was special enough to change him, what all these realtionships have taught me is I'm just not good enough hahaha, I guess I'm not special enough to be the only one for a guy. they have to go find someone else to fill the void. ick I'm a really open person I'm able to talk about anything, they should have told me what I was doing wrong instead of sneek sneekin around. I'm sorry bout the rant but it;s been a long time in the making.

I really think this guy is diffrent. But I have said that before.
but I have a really good fealing about him.


lets go have some fun! I need a good night out


edit:
Just after I posted this it set in, things will never be the same and I'm ok with it, things will get better.

quick notes
-i said it and I mean it
-sometimes this boy melts my heart and I love it
-I am really enjoying going out and wish I could see my friends more often
-I need a new job
-I need a new place to stay
-even without a job and living back with mom I could not be happier
-things are going to be diffrent this time
-I'm working on my confidence
-since i decided to lose weight i have lost 15lbs!
-need to go dancing more.
-need to start working out again

friends- lets hang out wayyyyyy more


things are going great!
nice

-moved away
-moved back
-moved into house
-moved out of house
-divorce
-got sober
-fell off the wagon
-had fun being single
-having fun not
-made awesome new friends
-lost some old ones
-sick family
-lost the little one.... I miss her



man it's pretty wel balanced...
I think this has been a year to remember for sure. one to tell the grand kids about.

do i have to be so nieve?????????

I knew the whole time i just chose to ignore it. And why cant i have any time to myself, I always meet the most awesome people at the wrong times I hate it. I need to move out! maybe I'll go stay with some family outta state for a while get my shit together.

Thank you guys soooo much my friends have been so awesome.
thank you Kayce and Jen for telling me for the past 3 years that I was wrong even though i never listened I know now you where right.

I seriously want to strangle someone right now

grrrrrrrrrrrr

all the time

I'm starting to get tired

but I cant stop DANCING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Call me bitches!

there is something terriably wrong with my phone! you cant call me but i can call you sooooo come to luna

I think it is perfectly ok for me to be mad at you because your 24 and still dont know when to stop drinking,

every weekend I have to deal with you so drunk you cant see
you didnt come home last night and didnt call, had no idea if you where in jail or dead some where

I think I have a good right to be upset with you!

jerl

Free drinks and free cover 9-10 does not get any better then that

I'm bord!!! as always anyone want to hang out? I need to get out

YOUR DRIVING ME CRAZY!